The Yogic Jesus Theory and Zulu Warriors on Sticks
Recently (and yet again) I posted my theory shared with many others that Jesus was a ninja trained warrior who offered himself up to crucifixion to prove mine over matter that he could withstand the worst pain the Romans could inflict. And crucifixion is about as bad as it gets when it comes to executing a rebellious man/god.
In the Zulu culture a condemned man has a very sharply pointed pole shoved up his rectum, the pole is usually a good twelve foot long, when the pole is set upright with the victim dangling on its point like an angel atop a Christmas tree, well, Marcy admits that’s got to be a pretty mean-spirited and painful way to die. The poor fellow simply slides down the pole until the tip of the pole comes to the innermost top of his skull.
Is that too graphic for all of you?
At any rate, it’s a toss up whether Roman Crucifixion or Zulu pole sitting is a more painful way to die. Let’s just say that if Jesus the Ninja Warrior had traveled to South Africa to piss off the Zulu chieftains, Jesus would have a heck of a challenge proving he could sit on a pole without showing a grimace just as easily as he took up crucifixion as a way to show his yogic stuff.
Can you believe that this whole conversation started by discussing the ‘Worst Jesus Actors’ ever?
I tell you, theology, once you get started you just can’t stop. And once you add Jesus movies to the mix, well, hold onto your quantum warp drive vector maps, future Kingon warriors.
Jollybeggar here seems to know something about Canadian Jesus Actors from Montreal, or some such. What do I know? I’m simply a massage parlor owner in Chicago. But I know a movie I like when I see it.
By the way, kids, this is the anniversary of the classic movie Deep Throat, filmed in Miami, the movie is being re-released in theaters as we speak. Meanwhile, the Deep Throat of Watergate fame, well, he’s dying. Whoever he is. And the deal with Woodward and Bernstein is that when Deep Throat dies, they will reveal his identity.
But back to Jesus movies made in Montreal and Jollybeggars blogging description………..marcythewhore
PS Jollybeggar....the Caligula Christ idea is rather interesting.....marcy
jollybeggar said...
the yogi-Jesus theory is interesting. i hadn't ever heard that one- definately not the daVinci code!
what i really like is your phrase "the ninja spirit of Jesus." you nailed it there, i think (no really bad pun intended)
as for willem dafoe, thank God actors play roles, rather than live them (another plug for "Jesus of Montreal" yay!) because a bunch of the guys on this list have either taken bizarre/embarrassing parts somewhere along the way, or have never worked again...ted neeley played 'curly' (the cowboy with a glove full of vaseline- which, until someone filled me in this year, i actually believed WAS to keep his hand 'soft for his wife')
in the 70's version of "of mice and men"max von sydow was 'brewmeister smith' (a deranged scientist who goes for global mind control by adding hallucinogens to canadian beer at oktoberfest)
in bob and doug mckenzie's "strange brew" (major canadiana piece there)jeffrey hunter went on to be commander pike in the "star trek" pilot, returning to the little screen in a recut version of it called "the menagerie"
there's probably many more great laughs we could have over the aesthetic folly/curse (it's kinda interesting that in casting the new superman, both jim C and willem D were not even considered because they had both already played JC. darned do-gooders!) attached to playing Jesus- i just don't have my big fat cross-referenced movie book handy to go digging further.
i am just glad that malcolm mcdowell has never played the Christ (unless you include "a clockwork orange"- but that one's probably just conjecture) because i don't think that i could see "Caligula Christ" without becoming really uncomfortable.as far as who is looking for whom, God knows where to find you and he's not too busy... cool thing is that ongoing discussions like these are part of how we find God.
thanks for being part of my lifelong search.and thanks for posting my blogspot. i imagine many more people read your blog than read mine!.........jollybeggar
In the Zulu culture a condemned man has a very sharply pointed pole shoved up his rectum, the pole is usually a good twelve foot long, when the pole is set upright with the victim dangling on its point like an angel atop a Christmas tree, well, Marcy admits that’s got to be a pretty mean-spirited and painful way to die. The poor fellow simply slides down the pole until the tip of the pole comes to the innermost top of his skull.
Is that too graphic for all of you?
At any rate, it’s a toss up whether Roman Crucifixion or Zulu pole sitting is a more painful way to die. Let’s just say that if Jesus the Ninja Warrior had traveled to South Africa to piss off the Zulu chieftains, Jesus would have a heck of a challenge proving he could sit on a pole without showing a grimace just as easily as he took up crucifixion as a way to show his yogic stuff.
Can you believe that this whole conversation started by discussing the ‘Worst Jesus Actors’ ever?
I tell you, theology, once you get started you just can’t stop. And once you add Jesus movies to the mix, well, hold onto your quantum warp drive vector maps, future Kingon warriors.
Jollybeggar here seems to know something about Canadian Jesus Actors from Montreal, or some such. What do I know? I’m simply a massage parlor owner in Chicago. But I know a movie I like when I see it.
By the way, kids, this is the anniversary of the classic movie Deep Throat, filmed in Miami, the movie is being re-released in theaters as we speak. Meanwhile, the Deep Throat of Watergate fame, well, he’s dying. Whoever he is. And the deal with Woodward and Bernstein is that when Deep Throat dies, they will reveal his identity.
But back to Jesus movies made in Montreal and Jollybeggars blogging description………..marcythewhore
PS Jollybeggar....the Caligula Christ idea is rather interesting.....marcy
jollybeggar said...
the yogi-Jesus theory is interesting. i hadn't ever heard that one- definately not the daVinci code!
what i really like is your phrase "the ninja spirit of Jesus." you nailed it there, i think (no really bad pun intended)
as for willem dafoe, thank God actors play roles, rather than live them (another plug for "Jesus of Montreal" yay!) because a bunch of the guys on this list have either taken bizarre/embarrassing parts somewhere along the way, or have never worked again...ted neeley played 'curly' (the cowboy with a glove full of vaseline- which, until someone filled me in this year, i actually believed WAS to keep his hand 'soft for his wife')
in the 70's version of "of mice and men"max von sydow was 'brewmeister smith' (a deranged scientist who goes for global mind control by adding hallucinogens to canadian beer at oktoberfest)
in bob and doug mckenzie's "strange brew" (major canadiana piece there)jeffrey hunter went on to be commander pike in the "star trek" pilot, returning to the little screen in a recut version of it called "the menagerie"
there's probably many more great laughs we could have over the aesthetic folly/curse (it's kinda interesting that in casting the new superman, both jim C and willem D were not even considered because they had both already played JC. darned do-gooders!) attached to playing Jesus- i just don't have my big fat cross-referenced movie book handy to go digging further.
i am just glad that malcolm mcdowell has never played the Christ (unless you include "a clockwork orange"- but that one's probably just conjecture) because i don't think that i could see "Caligula Christ" without becoming really uncomfortable.as far as who is looking for whom, God knows where to find you and he's not too busy... cool thing is that ongoing discussions like these are part of how we find God.
thanks for being part of my lifelong search.and thanks for posting my blogspot. i imagine many more people read your blog than read mine!.........jollybeggar
posted by marcythewhore at 11:41 AM
2 Comments:
woah woah- the zulu bit simply underscores the importance of having a star atop the christmas tree instead of an angel!
hey, being that so much has resulted from a friendly discussion of the worst portayals of Christ in film, lets go a different direction:
best portrayals of satan?
i mean, we can finger some really bad ones like george burns in 'oh god you devil'(i think that george was even older than satan at the time), sam neill in 'final conflict'(is blasphemy more frightening when it is shouted in a subterranean cavern or whispered into the ear of a child? i think all that shouting is a counterfeit for venomous passion) or, most recently peter stormare in 'constantine,'(enough with the 'hisssss' sounds- we get it- like the white suit though)...
but what about good ones? this should be relatively easy because we recognize satan easier, and because he also shows up in movies that are not Bible pieces.
my votes are tied: rosalind celentano (passion of the Christ) for her presence and her ability to rival david bowie for eyebrowless androgeny; and surprisingly, david warner (time bandits) for being able to carry off lines such as "if i were creating a world i wouldn't mess around with butterlies and daffodils... i would have started with lasers. they would have been 8 o'clock on day one!"
ps: jack nicholson ('witches of eastwick') doesn't count because he wasn't acting.
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